To better equip my readers, I want to let each of you know the most important part of this study and everything in life. There is one thing that you always need to have at the front of your mind as you continue on your journey, and that is growth.
Earlier we discussed existence and how everything has an influence whether voluntary or involuntary. With that influence comes effect. Effect is equivalent to change. For example, if you call someone a name, their conscious is effected (maybe not negatively, but they learn and gain perspective and opinion). When you stub your toe on the floor, you feel pain, you lose cells, there is wearing on your socks, and the floor is less stable than it used to be. No matter the situation, anything that has influence has effect. If something is affected then it has changed.
Now, here is the important differentiation. Change is not equal to growth. Growth only comes from certain and unique forms of stimulation. For example, grass is stepped on, but it doesn't grow, it changes. Water on the other hand, helps the grass to grow. In the human element, your body continually grows as you feed it (in the physical respect). If you get in a car wreck, your body might change, but you most certainly will not grow (in the physical respect). Now, there is a dynamic that has to be mentioned with growth. You can either grow positively, or grow negatively. You can grow lean or you can grow fat. You can grow angry or you can grow reverently. The dynamic that needs to be recognized comes from each individual's perspective.
There is general positive growth (stuff you and me consider "good") and there is personal positive growth (where growth is towards an individual's goals or aspirations). Because each person's goals are different, positive personal growth will look different for each of us. Say, someone with an eating disorder might want to put on weight and someone who is overweight might want to lose a few pounds. Someone who has OCD might want to better control their anxiety, and someone who is ADD might want to gain more control over themselves.
I think its human nature, regardless of who we are or what we're aspiring to be, to have positive growth. Good people want to grow in good, bad people want to grow i bad (which is positive growth for them). All of this can be diagrammed in simple charts and graphs, but I don't have the times or the means to post those at this time.
So we've discovered positive growth and our intrinsic need to have it. This is important because its easy for each of us to forget that this is what's best for us. If we feel hurt, its easy to grow negatively in anger or sadness. We may even lash out in retribution, but does that really help us grow positively? Does it help the opposite party grow positively?
I understand the complexity of emotion and how hard it is to do what is "right" to sustain positive growth for ourselves and those around us. However, the key isn't "do the right thing every time or else..." The key is to have this observation at the forefront of your everyday life. Before or after something comes up, you have to be able to recognize what kind of growth you are experiencing. Are you growing negatively or positively?
It does get a bit more complex, but encouraging at the same time, so don't fret. The reason I keep bringing up consideration of the opposite party and how your influence effects them, is because you grow just as much if not more than that other party. Comparatively, this brings to light the fact that influence has no direct effect on interpretation by affected parties. Follow along with this next example.
Billy is upset that his friend took his spot in the basketball starting line-up. Because of his anger he tells his friend, James, that he's a lousy friend and that he probably got the spot by asking out the coach's daughter rather than earning the position. I think we all can see relatively clearly, that Billy is having a negative influence on James. Because of this Billy is growing negatively. He's fueling his anger and he's destroying his friendship. Now let's look across the aisle at James. You might be quick to guess that James has grown negatively as well. This is not the case. James could either see the negative influence as what it is, (1) a hateful and menacing remark and threat or he could see it as what it truly is, (2) which is words spoken by an ailing friend. In either of these interpretations, James has more reflecting to do. If James see's the situation as scenario 1, he can choose to retaliate (growing negatively) or he can choose to dismiss the comment and reach out to his friend positively (growing positively). If James views the situation as scenario 2, he can choose to ignore his friends obvious ailing attitude and retaliate (growing negatively through intentional escalation) or he can choose to acknowledge his friend's suffering and reach out to him (growing positively).
The best, safest, and most effective solution is always positive growth. Billy could have chosen to tell James he was sore, but he respected the fact that he earned the spot and would like to practice more with James. This initial positive growth would have helped both young men grow positively and strengthen their friendship. Similarly, even after being negatively influenced, James could help both himself AND Billy grow positively by reacting with positive influence.
By studying this example, we can see that positive influence is always the best decision to make. Where this gets tough, is the fact that these decisions can be made so fast that everything can lose its stability in no time at all. That's why it is imperative that positive growth be at the front of your mind at all times.
Some of you may be drawing comparisons to my next point already. Does the concept just discussed ring any bells? I hope so. Its basically the same concept as "Love thy neighbor as thyself." "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." "The Golden Rule." Not a total load of BS is it? Having positive growth at the front of your mind can have a significant influence on your life, and just by considering it (even if you're not always strong enough to choose positive growth at the time) as you go through the day, you will be growing positively in mind and character.
Now, to complement what we've talked about, I must warn you that just because you do unto others as you would have them do unto you doesn't mean you should expect it. As you saw in our example, all you can do is provide the influence and ultimately its up to the other party to interpret and react to that influence. So don't get your feelings hurt when you offer positive growth and it's not reciprocated. Don't even expect it! In fact, openly acknowledge and cherish it when it is returned. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I was afraid you were going to react differently, and I'm so happy we're continuing to grow positively together."
This has been an important step in our study of life; I hope you all are sharing in understanding. Feel free to express yourself with me or the fellow readers. God bless you.
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